I'm learning how to talk... how to speak and play at the same time. It's hard to speak in a different rhythmic syntax than what you're playing--and keep both on time without awkward pauses. It's like listening to a song on the radio while trying to sing a different one. But worse... because I'm trying to speak what I hear the Father saying. I'm trying to encourage the church to worship. I'm trying to pray and play and listen all at the same time. Sometimes it's like my right and left brains are knocking heads.
One of my prayers is to be able to flow without thinking. To listen without concentrating. To hear without trying. To exist more in front of His throne than on stage. Yet remain enough on stage to lead those there. And only He can enable me to lead. It is He who shows Himself to us... I can't even receive from Him without His help. It takes complete and total dependence on the Holy Spirit for me to do this. That is my pursuit.
While I am away on materity leave, we have a good friend leading worship for me. I believe God has some really cool thing to teach me during this leave.