Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Inner Monologue

I taught about worship yesterday at church. It's amazing how good you feel about a message before you give it and how deflated you feel about it afterward. Did I deliver well? Was it received well? I find my inner monologue is working overtime, regurgitating things I said to make sure they were exactly the way I wanted to say them. And then it will change them to say it the way I wished I'd said it, confusing my memory on how I actually said it. Foolishness.

I tend to do that a lot... second guess myself. I've got to shake that. I know that second guessing myself indicates that I think I'm in charge. When God gives me something to say, I must say it without reserve and without apology. And without second guessing or over analyzing. And I can only grab a hold of that boldness by establishing who's in charge. I love how the Old Testament prophets demonstrated this. Like Elijah, when he went to give his coat to Elisha, transferring his prophet's anointing to Elisha. He did what he was told to do and then he walked off. He didn't care how it was received or how he delivered it. He just did it 'cause he was told to. Elisha came running after him, professing agreement with what he had done and explaining why he would be delayed in taking it into action. Elijah basically said, "I don't care what you do."He had done what he was told to do. The rest was up to God.

5 comments:

Jon said...

Praise God! I go to school in West Palm Beach, but I grew up in Deltona, and I noticed that it said you and your husband are from there! Awesome! It is GREAT to see your heart for missions and for our AWESOME God!

Hope Clark said...

Thanks Jon! We moved here two years ago and LOVE it. God certainly is amazing! It's good to hear from another God-lover from here. :) I pray your studies go well in West Palm--blessings!
Hope

Valerie said...

I think we all can relate to this! I love how honest and real you are! Ciao Bella!

Anonymous said...

Hey Hope and Kenneth, that baby girl gets more beautiful every day. She is such a blend of both of you. If we never second guess, we would be self contained. Dependent on Him, trusting Him with the task what ever it is He asks me to do. My goal is not to be better at the task but better at the trust. I have only seen you rise on that wave always. Love Kathy

Hope Clark said...

Valerie,
Thanks girl! I can only grow if I'm candid. :)

Kathy,
Thanks so much! "Be better at the trust"... I love that. :):)

Hope