Right now I'm reading a book about the Sovereignty of God. Most people run away from this topic--as have I in the past--because it either paints God has a distant, periodically helpful grandfather in the sky...or a domineering tyrant who creates robots to march out his both joyous and morbid plans. It's a big theological subject of disagreement in the Christian community. And I don't generally like arguments. I just love Jesus and want to leave it at that.
But I'm realizing that I have an ongoing disagreement inside. On one hand, I hear myself saying God is all powerful and all knowing... and yet I worry that I have the power to thwart His destiny for me. On one hand, I ask for deliverance from bad situations and pray against Satan's attacks... then, when the situation turns out to be beneficial, I praise God for having planned the whole thing. Yet, I don't really believe that God causes evil. I leave things in His hands, but still worry. On one hand I say, God set up the circumstances, but Kenneth and I had to choose to say yes to get married. We could have said no, against His will. On the other hand, I'm amazed at the impossible circumstances that had to have happened for he and I to even meet. So, who is really in charge here? Do I not believe Him enough? Or do I believe in a God that isn't fully God? I don't believe that I think I'm God... and yet I don't believe that He wants a relationship with a robot, either.
Honestly, I don't think I would care that much about the answer if it didn't affect the way I process and make decisions. My foundation on this question really does affect my life every day.