Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Calling

One of the things I've been praying about in my quiet time lately...

(Let me interrupt. Maybe "devotion time" would be a better term. Because, between diapers and feeding and playing and crying and more feeding and diapers... it's not always quiet, nor is it always at one time.)

I've been praying a lot about my/our calling. And yes, part of that is being a mother to my children. But part of it is also being involved in worship and missions. And while I love being at home with my children and spending this recovery time with them, I miss being involved in ministry.

During a conversation I was having with God while praying, I was asked a question that still lingers with me.

Are you pursuing your calling because you love others and want to see them healed and restored to Me? Or are you pursuing your calling for your sake?... because you like to do those things and like the way it makes you feel?

It left me really wanting to answer that question honestly. I could easily say that I want to be involved in ministry for the first reason, but would it be the whole truth? I'm not saying that it's wrong to enjoy the calling that God has given you. I'm just digging down into the depths of my motivation, to make sure that my desires aren't selfish. Perhaps my prayer focus shouldn't be "Pursuing all that God has for me." Maybe it should be "Drawing others to Christ through the gifts He's given me."

If I have more love for the calling than for the people... where does that leave me when the calling gets difficult? And more importantly, where does that leave the people that I was to reach?

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