Monday, September 20, 2010

Osmosis Is Obsolete

So, despite all the ridiculously obvious hints you left for him, hubby still didn't get it?

You mean you left the socks on the bedroom floor for THREE whole days and he STILL didn't pick them up? And the beard stubble he left on the bathroom sink counter is STILL there, even though you left it for him to clean?! And though you'd have thought that any rational, sane adult would have figured out that he needs to scrub the toilet after his business, but you're STILL finding streaks days later, that you end up scrubbing off--while huffing and mumbling under your breath--because it's driving you crazy!?! So, despite the fact that it's completely obvious that he's not doing what he's supposed to be doing, he still hasn't changed??

Well. That's a shocker.

And now you're irritated, upset, talking to yourself, and feeling unappreciated again.

What did you think? That his brain works the way yours does? (Well...yes. I did.) Hmm. And so you thought that what was obvious to you was equally obvious to him? And you thought that your expectations of "proper behavior" in these situations was understood by him? Yes...yes, of course you did. Riiiigghhht.

I am continually amazed at how quickly my brain jumps to the conclusion that because I think something should be done, his brain should automatically think that that same thing should be done--and in the same manner. I mean, really... what's more shocking: 1.) That he does things differently than I, or 2.) That I expect him to read my mind and do them the way I want them done?

Here's an idea. Maybe I should communicate my expectations. (Hey, I think I'm on to something here.) Maybe I should let him know that leaving his dirty socks on the bedroom floor instead of in the dirty laundry hamper bothers me. That it would really help me out if he would brush up the toilet bowl after. That I love his sexy goatee... I just don't like it all over the counter top.

Because once he knows that something bothers me... an amazing thing happens. He works on changing it! Because after all, he does love me! The problem really wasn't his very normal behavior... the problem was that I refused to communicate my emotions, my likes, and dislikes. I don't know why it's so hard to verbalize simple expectations or desires like that. But it is, especially when you think it's obvious. But when I simply express how I need help, I finally realize how willing he is to help. And once we talk it through, everyone feels so much better!

(And my bathroom stays a lot cleaner.)

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