Monday, September 6, 2010

Ode To My Multiple-Baby Mommas

So now you have two babies to care for! Or maybe you just had your third...or fourth. And you are suddenly realizing that he has no idea how hard your job is while he's away at work.

You are outnumbered and have run out of hands. Your sleep has been permanently deprived and you can't remember the last time that you felt like you looked beautiful. The laundry is never finished, the sink is never empty, the clothes are barley folded before you have another load in the wash, making food for someone else seems to happen hourly, the floor is sticky, the carpet needs vacuuming again, each puzzle has at least one missing piece and you have pulled your hair out trying to find them, there's crayon on the bathroom wall that you keep forgetting to wipe off because the only time you see it is when you are actually going to the bathroom yourself (which is never alone, BTW), and the fact that the house hasn't had a deep cleaning in (cough) months makes you want to break out in hives and a high pitched staccato laugh at the same time.

And despite all this, you are embarrassed--or perhaps unaware--that you don't just feel tired, you feel distinctly unappreciated.

But you do know that you want him to do more around the house to help. So, you begin to expect more, demand more, and get irritated when he doesn't automatically know how to do more.

But here's the amazing thing. He feels unappreciated, too! Because he's working long hours at a job that he doesn't really want to stay at for the rest of his life, working with people that he only casually likes, helping demanding customers, doing reports and sales and paperwork that he has to do in order to get paid, which he only does because he loves his family so much that he wants to provide the best for them. Then he comes home every evening and every weekend because he likes to--not has to--and he shares you with children and the laundry and the dishes and the vacuuming. And he does his best to dress them and change them and comfort them even though he picks the outfit that's too big, his diaper lets the poop leaks, and nobody's hug is as good as Mommy's. Then he plays with them and loves them and helps you put them to bed, only to have them interrupt the "bedroom action" again as they steal you away from him to comfort their crying in the middle of the night. So when it's all said and done, he loves them like crazy, but YOU are the one he married and sometimes--though he feels bad admitting it--he really wishes that it was just you two together by yourselves again like it used to be before all this craziness happened.

So what you both need to do is put down the "I-do-more-than-you" sign and the "My-job-is-harder" billboard and take some time to verbally express just how much you appreciate each other for the everyday, little things that you both do for each other that seem to go unnoticed.

And Mommy? Even if he doesn't catch on right away, YOU start the "appreciation habit". Because, even if he doesn't already know that he's married to a fabulous Wonder Woman, he will soon...probably right about the time that you realize that you married an amazing Super Man.


Arissa said...

Thank you!! Good word.

Mitzi said...

Very thought provoking Hope. Encouraging too.

Alexandra said...

Thank you Hope for reminding me that in order to feel appreciated, I need to appreciate him. Love ya girl!

Hope R. Clark said...

Thanks for your feedback everyone! So glad I'm not in this "mommy boat" by myself. :) It's amazing how a little appreciation goes a LONG way!

Anonymous said...

Hey, i really enjoy really spoke to me. Today I had a "hecktic" day..but it all make since now...I love my husband even more...and appreciate everything he does in or outside the house.

Hope R. Clark said...

Thanks so much for your thoughts! Sometimes it's so easy to just see things from only our perspective. No matter how imperfect they are, our husbands sacrifice so much for us!